When we decided we wanted you

You could say it started with a charming American
in a student bar in Chorlton, or perhaps
when I said sure, I’ll go live in Los Angeles, 
city sight unseen. 

You might begin the story with a marriage proposal
on top of Catalina Island, land of bison
and chewing gum magnates;
the thought of you, bioluminescence in the waves.

Maybe it was when we decided that thirty-two
was the right age to go from two to three-
that was the end of trying not 
to be pregnant,

But sometimes an absence of obstacle
isn’t encouragement enough.
You could say it started with a diagnosis
of the issue, with a plan,

with some needles, scans,
ovulation testing kits,
with hormones in pills-
with advice and good timing.

I saw you as a tiny moon on screen-
‘a promising egg’, they called you.
A gift, to see you so early in your journey
from cells, moving over time to yourself.

You were a conscious choice and a surprise,
you were love, and science,
you were every bit of glittering, scattered light
I saw in the waves that dark night.

V Napolitano

First published by The Mum Poem Press ‘Choices’ Zine, edited by Liz Berry